Coming Out

In 2007, I happened to flip through a Nietzsche book at a bookstore. I couldn't put it down. He was bat-shit crazy about a number of things (for one, he was a huge bigot), but he was incredibly clear about many other things. One idea that struck me like lightning was his assertion that Christianity (and - any religion that promises an after-life) teaches people to disregard this life (which we know we do have) for the hope of another, future life (which we cannot know will occur). He did not mince words - stating that Christianity was "life-denying" etc.

I had already been cured (in my 20s) from my decade-long foray into Fundamentalism. But I carried (and to a lesser extent, still do carry) a sense of nostalgia, in a warm place in my heart for that "old-time religion". However, this Nietzsche philosophy hinted at a side of life one did not know and could never know if he or she held onto a hope of "heaven". He listed as virtues the things religion count as vices: ambition, the will to power, a healthy embrace of conflict, and an acceptance that when the world changes (example: Industrial Revolution), it is okay to throw away all of the former customs and ethics in order to embrace new, more suitable ones.

I just couldn't believe what I was reading. As in, I wondered how the censors of the world had somehow let this stuff slip through, unscathed. But it was clear, powerful, and had the ring of truth to it - "face the facts" kind of truth. There have been many other influences in my life for what I am about to say, it's just that he crystallized the important points most clearly.

Today, for the first time in my life, I say publicly and proudly, that I am an Atheist. I affirm that this life I have is the only life (that I know of) that I will ever have. When my heart stops beating and my brain stops firing the synapses that create the social persona of myself, there will be no more me. The foundation for my morals and ethics is the positive benefit I see to the world when I behave in certain ways and the positive feelings I experience when I follow that guide. I will probably still also claim the moniker of "Taoist" among people who have a hard time with my Atheism since the Tao Te Ching is non-theistic and its observations resonate with how I see the world. But even that is an inside joke with myself - since the very first verse of that book states: "The Tao that can be spoken of, is not the true Tao."